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First of all: I have to make an excuse for my language and grammar mistakes - English is not my first language, not even my second, therefore I do  mistakes. Hopefully, you'll understand me.

I've been suffering from an eating disorder for more than two years. I've never been in a "real" treatment.  I was to "BUP" - child phychiatry thing in Sweden- and they only told me to gain weight. I went there (it's 100km by car) once a month with my parents. They took my weight, said eat more, and nothing more. In December '11 I was severely underweight with a BMI at 14.9. Finally, they reacted- by ordering me to drink a nutrition drink three times a day, 300 kcal each. I was scared to death! 2011 had only been weightloss for me, and that drink would destroy everything I've done. I actually considered to run away from my home.

But I didn't. I stayed and drank my nutrition drinks, plus I ate bigger portion sizes.. I gained weight, of course. I felt horrible, but because my family, friends and so on were so sad about me being anorexic, I said I was progressing. I said I was feeling better. So after two weeks and two kgs heavier, I quit drinking nutrition drinks. I still had more weight to gain, though. But, at a BMI 16.4 the child psychiatry decided I didn't need more help. It was only ONE MONTH after I had BMI 14.9. I said I was well. I said I felt allright.

Did you think I was all right? No. I wasn't. I felt horrible! I saw the kilos on my body, I saw the fat in the mirror. I felt absolutely horrified. But yet, I said I was all right. I gained more. In mid-Februar I reached a normal BMI. Everything was well. My family thought I was all right, school thought I was all right, but deep down I knew I wasn't.

So the "happy ending" went on for about seven months. Then the summer break ended and school started again. I've always been very good in school, having the highest grade in almost every subject. But, my eating disorder made my grades fall a bit (a very little bit, due to the circumstances) but enough for me to feel very bad about myself. And, beginning my second year at upper secondary school, the classes went harder so I really had to study to have my high grades. I've never really needed to study.

Anyway, I started to loose weight again. Again. No one noticed at first. She was happy! She was healthy! She was free from her eating disorder! Hah! Did you really think that? Did you really think I had a happy ending? Yes. Everyone did.

Now I'm there. BMI 16.0 and life is terrible.

But I've decided.

This time, I won't say I'm all right when I'm not.

This time, I know that happiness won't come without solving the ACUTALL problems and not only the low weight.

You have to take eating disorders seriously. They don't just POP UP from nowhere. So please, everyone who is or know some one in my situation - solve the problems! Go to the bottom in what's wrong, get professional help and don't say you're all right when you're not. I have a very long journey left, a journey I could have been without if I just have taken care of all my problems and not only the weight.

You only live once. Enjoy it!
  • Mood: Fear
  • Listening to: Silence
  • Reading: Diary Entries
  • Watching: My Wall
  • Playing: Dangerous games
  • Eating: Nothing
  • Drinking: Nothing

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Thamaleia's Profile Picture
Thamaleia
Tua
17 year old girl. Suffering from an eating disorder, but trying hard to recover. My life is: food, photography, piano, school, reading, writing and thinking!
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:icondigital-ragnarok:
Nice photography! :)
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:iconinsanekane87:
InsaneKane87 Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I knew by the first photo I saw of yours you would have some more amazing ones and I was right. Hope to see more.
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:iconthamaleia:
Oh, that makes me so happy to hear! I promise there will be more :D
Reply
:iconinsanekane87:
InsaneKane87 Mar 8, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Look forward to it. :)
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:iconelizabethzelia:
elizabethzelia Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
Such great photos! I'm looking forward to more soon! xx
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:iconthamaleia:
Thank you a lot! More will come up very soon, I'm in a photo-mood! :D
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:iconwilliamsonk0316:
Welcome to :dalogo:!
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:iconthamaleia:
Oh well, thank you! :D
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